That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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