I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
