At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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