I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
It's not a walk of shame if you run
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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