All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
