sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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