i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Randomize
