How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
i think i just lost a toe
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize