I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
