I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
