What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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