she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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