I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
