Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
