how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
