Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
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