this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
