I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
No subtext here. People are naked.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
