Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
