i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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