hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
