At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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