he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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