remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
