Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
