dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
