A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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