I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
