Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
it was like eating out sand paper
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
