You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
