the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Randomize
