That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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