her facebook's as public as her vagina
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
