I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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