you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize
