Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
