I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
