My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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