Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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