when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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