I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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