I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Randomize
