You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
