im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
