Do you still have your period?
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
