she looked like the bat from fern gully.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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