Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
She bit a glass in half.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
