And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
