i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
