What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
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