He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
