I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
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