That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
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