i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize