talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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