Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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