I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
