is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
