I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
