You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
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