Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Randomize
