Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Randomize
