her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
