She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize